American Gladiators

It was a night to remember. All the greatest fighters from around the campus gathered into a single place. Legends, like The Baron, brought spectators from all dorms. The resident gladiators struck fear amongst the audience. The lights were bright, and the battles many. And so, leaving behind me a trail of blood and tears, I became - The Ninja. 

Boy, sounds like the opening to some kind of self-empowerment film or something, doesn't it? Anyways, last night, Vanguard hosted an "American Gladiators" contest for its student body. Apparently, it's based off a show from the telly.

All I know is that I received an email on Monday giving me the name, location, and time of the event. And that costumes were encouraged. Then, Thursday morning, at chapel, they showed a ten second video clip of the show. Basically, it was just pictures of buff people wearing next-to-nothing. 

Okay, that was interesting and all, but I still had next-to-no idea what in the world this event was going to be. Oh well. I figured I would go anyways. About half my floor went out shopping for costumes. I didn't really see the point. When they came back, decked out in short shorts, head bands, and the like, I was rather - amused. 

Then, 5 minutes before we left, I somehow got the idea in my head to dress up as a ninja. A pair of sweats, a black shirt, and a second black shirt tied tastefully around my head later, I was a ninja. Awesome sauce. I didn't have any black shoes, so I opted for barefoot. Best decision ever. I think my feet are still grass-stained. 

As we were walking over from the dorms, someone said I should sneak around everywhere, so I did. I even ninja ran. T'was great fun. 

Once at the event, I discovered there were a couple games going on. There was one of those inflatable jousting thingys, a dodgeball area, a climbing wall, and hamster-ball obstacle course. 

First thing I did was climb a tree. People oohed and aahed and took pictures. I almost felt like I failed as a ninja. Then I realized I was wearing all black in a highly-lit area on a white tree trunk. A bit hard to blend in there. I even got to poison dart a guy, so that made up for it. 

After that, I took part in the jousting against one of the "gladiators." 

His fighting was decent, but he wasn't much of a chaaallenge. I took the win all three rounds. I even got to do a ninja move in the beginning of the third round where I ducked his weapon. I felt so talented. 

I climbed the rock wall, too, and as usual, piece of cake. Or pie. Chocolate creme pie. Got some friends on it, though, so that was shway. 

I even participated in dodgeball. Half the time, I was just standing there, and I could only assume that the other side couldn't see me. Oh yeah. Talk about costume success. 

At some point, I even had some lady walk up to me and start talking to me. This is about how the conversation went:

Lady: "Are you the only ninja here tonight?"

Me: "Yeah."

Lady: "What's your name?"

Me: "Matsumoto Yoshi" (Actually, I just said Elijah. I wanted to say Matsumoto Yoshi, but she looked important, so I figured it was probably best to give her my actual name)

Lady: "And what's your last name?"

Me: "Dove."

Lady: "Dove?"

Me: "Yeah."

Lady: "Okay, thanks."

And she walked away. I had no idea what the point of that was, although some people made mention of me maybe being in the yearbook. Talk about shway. 

Oh, and I climbed a giant pine tree a couple times. The first time, a friend jokingly said I should climb it. She blinked, and I was gone. You could hardly see me, I blended into the shadows so well. Just like a ninja...wait...

Anyways, when I came down, I discovered she hadn't been serious. I guess she doesn't know me very well yet. And at the very end of the night, I climbed it a second time. I was within six feet of the very tippity-top of the tree. It was a great view. I just sat there for fifteen minutes or so, enjoying feeling like a cat (those dang birds!).

And that was my Thursday night. Wish they had American Gladiators more than once a year, but I hear people wear costumes to bowling nights and stuff...

I can't wait.

Oh, oh! I almost forgot. Ever wonder why Spiderman is always randomly removing his mask in the movie, and you always wonder why in the world he is always randomly removing his mask? Well, I have the answer:

It's because masks get freaking hot! For serious. I could hardly breath a lot of the time.

Okay, that's it. Go about your lives, citizens.